My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
