Jerry, you need to find god
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They took my balls.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
