Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
