Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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