So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
