Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
