Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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