im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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