Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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