I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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