I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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