I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
