I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
