sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
