I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
