Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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