This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
