Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
