I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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