He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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