1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
