My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
