Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
