the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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