That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
