they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
