I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
