You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
