Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
