I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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