I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
