ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
