i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
