do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
