Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
