i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
God I need to hump something, right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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