Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
