6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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