They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
