the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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