I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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