Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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