There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
