i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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