Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
