there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
