went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
