she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
