All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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