What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
