i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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