my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
