dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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