ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
