I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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