it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
