WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize