i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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