I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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