one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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