SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
