New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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