I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
