Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The air was thick with penises
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
