she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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