So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
