It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
