i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
