I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They took my balls.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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