u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
