I want to stick my p in your. b.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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