Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
