i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
