Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
